the pulp list

Call me Scrooge or Grinch, but I don’t like Christmas. So when the editors here at The Pulp List asked me to write a Christmas movie list, I objected (normally, I get to choose my own topics). To make this job much easier and deliberately get revenge on them, I decided to make a list of Christmas films that do not mention Christmas in the title: that way I don’t have to suffer through “researching” films like “A Christmas Story,” “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” and “A Christmas Carol.” (Although, I do slightly regret eliminating the great “A Nightmare Before Christmas.”)

10. Elf (2003)

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One of three entries from Saturday Night Live alumni, Elf epitomizes the comedy and character of Will Farrell. Doing his best impression of a man/boy, Farrell’s childish behavior never seems to get old. Brought up with Santa Clause at the North Pole, he plays a man convinced that he is an elf. In one of the funniest, awkward & memorable scenes, Farrell talks cheerfully to a “little person” executive, elf to elf.

9. Gremlins (1984)

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The nightmare-inducing PG-rated Gremlins scared audiences of all ages when released in 1984. This fearsome addition to Christmas lore actually inspired the creation of the PG-13 rating by the MPAA. Equal parts cute (in their mogwai form), terrifying, and hilarious, the antics of the gremlins appealed to our most basic, primal emotions. This unique balance helps Gremlins live on as a Christmas classic.

8. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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At the time of its release, this box-office flop was widely considered the beginning of the end for the legendary director Frank Capra. However, after years of television replay during the Christmas season, It’s a Wonderful Life has become one of his most influential and renowned of all of his films. The story of a hopeless man who learns to appreciate life through the guidance of angels, It’s a Wonderful Life fosters a giving, loving spirit for its audience each holiday season. Though present day cynical audiences often remain numb to these types of inspirational films, this film stands as one of the all time greats.

7. Bad(der) Santa (2003)

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This irreverent Christmas film featuring Billy Bob Thornton, the late Bernie Mac, and the late John Ritter deserves a place in Christmas film history as the dirtiest and darkest comedy of the genre. Eschewing typical holiday fare, Bad Santa instead goes for jokes about anal sex, little people, and racism. John Ritter’s performance deserves extra praise, not just because it was one of his last, but because of the extraordinary accuracy of his portrayal of a politically correct, self-conscious mall manager.

6. Home Alone (1990)

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Probably the most popular Christmas movie of the 1990s, Home Alone inspired young pranksters everywhere to defend their homes against hapless invaders. The barrage of violence against the team of evil (yet astonishingly persistent and stupid) crooks still makes audiences laugh each year on TBS. Macaulay Culkin made his name as a child star in spectacular fashion and continues to act in successful independent films. No doubt he will live on in film history as one of the most famous child stars ever.

5. Scrooged (1988)

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Scrooged is one of the classic Bill Murray performances. Like fellow SNL alumnus Will Farrell in Elf, Murray morphs his recurring movie character into this adaptation of “A Christmas Carol.” Murray’s deadpan sociopath persona fits in perfectly in the classic story of Scrooge, four ghosts, and Tiny Tim — his humor, as well as the novel take on the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, make this version the best of the series.

4. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

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In an attempt to cover all genres imaginable for Christmas films, it was essential to include a courtroom drama. Miracle on 34th Street features Kris Kringle as the defendant in this 96 minute Macy’s commercial, which hits all the right tones while telling the story of Santa as a real man. Admittedly sappy, like many Christmas films, Miracle stands out because of its originality and sincerity. This classic also includes one of the most famous moments in film history, when thousands of letters to Santa are paraded into the courtroom.

3. Trading Places (1983)

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Audiences frequently forget this is a Christmas film at all, but I can’t forget the sight of Dan Akroyd as Santa snacking on a whole fish with bunches of faux beard tearing off into his mouth (though virtually everybody remembers the sight of a a topless Jamie Lee Curtis). Trading Places is better remembered as an Eddie Murphy classic: one of many during the 1980s before his endless foray into mediocre, forgettable childrens’ films.

The premise of Trading Places sheds some light onto the nature of humanity (like a good Christmas movie should) but also entertains: it shows how our life situation shapes and defines us but does not dwell on the obvious social message too long before becoming hilarious. The precipitous fall of Akroyd from the heights of the elite class is classic.

2. Die Hard (1988)

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The best film on the list, Die Hard contains the least holiday cheer. But for the closing credits tune “Let it Snow,” most people would quickly forget the time of year that this Bruce Willis blockbuster takes place. Those who think Die Hard simply represents a brainless action film amongst a crowd of similar films are sorely mistaken.

Besides catapulting Willis to superstar status (remember, his career to that point was defined by the TV romcom Moonlighting) and creating the everyman hero genre, the original screenplay featured some of the most memorable one-liners of the 1980s. Die Hard also doubles as a film teacher’s dream: the cinematography is on par with some of the most critically acclaimed films of all time. Camera angles, composition and tracking shots all borrowed from such film classics as Citizen Kane and Vertigo, all in the context of a thoughtful action movie about ordinary people in extraordinary situations.

1. Love Actually (2003)

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In a great web of stories, Love Actually captures the holiday spirit without inducing the corresponding gag reflex. Some people may disagree, but I find the diversity of love relationships on display in the film (step-father/step-son, brother/sister, language impaired relationship, falling for your best friend’s wife, and the life-long hetero-love between an aging rocker and his manager) a refreshing representation of the emotion that often gets pigeon-holed to romance.

Humor, realistically troubled relationships, and credible adult situations make this film enjoyable on several different levels. For fearlessly bucking the trend of carbon-copied PG-13 (non)romantic white-washed (unfunny) comedies, Love Actually takes our top spot for greatest Christmas movies without Christmas in the title.